Emmett, The Squirrel Slayer
by CherryBlossoms016
Summary: Emmett has quite the adventure while out hunting one day. Hilarity insues. All canon. Post Eclipse, Pre Breaking Dawn. Will soon be a two-shot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not have the pleasure of owning _The Twilight Saga_. It is all Stephenie Meyer's.

This is for one of my best friends, so close, that to me, she is my sister.

Happy seventeenth Birthday Katarina, this is for you!

With much, much, much Love,

CherryBlossoms016

_**Emmett, the Squirrel Slayer**_

Emmett sat on the sofa vigorously playing Halo on his eighth X-box. Unfortunately, he has a bad habit of destroying them when his character makes a mistake. (Although we all know it was Emmett that messed up).

Rosalie was in the garage tinkering with Jasper's Ducati trying to make it go faster than it already does.

Esme flitted around the kitchen making food to bring to homeless shelters all around Washington.

Carlisle flipped through new medical journals and made slight comments to himself while making notes.

Jasper sat reading history books about the Civil War and correcting mistakes the author made under his breath.

Alice lounged on the bed next to him flipping through tons of magazines looking at clothes and accessories. Occasionally, she ahhed over items and went into a trance to see when it would become available.

Edward laid on the bed in his room composing songs in his notebook.

Bella was curled next to him reading _Pride and Prejudice_.

Soon, Emmett got bored of playing video games and went to go bug Jasper.

"Hey, Jazzy, wanna go hunting with me?"

"No thank you Emmett; I'm busy." Jasper replied.

Emmett stood there with a look of mock hurt on his face.

"It won't work," Jasper spoke without looking from his book, "I can tell you are faking. Empath, remember?"

Emmett just scowled in response.

While Emmett was preoccupied with bugging Jasper, he didn't notice Alice having a vision and subsequently, the smirk that graced her face and the look of mischief in her golden eyes.

Quickly, Alice schooled her face into the expression it was before the vision and began to talk to Emmett.

"Hey, Em, I'll go with you."

A full blown smile covered his face, "Really! That's great! Come on Tinkerbell!"

"Sure is!" '_Heh, this will teach him to call me Tinkerbell!'_

Edward lightly chuckled at her thoughts.

"I'll see you outside; I need to say goodbye to Jazz. You should say goodbye to Rose."

Emmett blurred downstairs into the garage to say goodbye to his Rosie.

Alice lent down and whispered in Jasper's ears while speaking at vampire speed so Emmett wouldn't overhear. "Follow behind us with the video camera. The wind will blow in the opposite direction for the next hour so Emmett will not catch your scent. Don't worry, it'll be more than enough time."

She kissed him on the cheek, pecked him on the lips then flew down the stairs to meet Emmett outside.

"Ready to go shortie?"

"Yeah. I have a good feeling about our hunt today." '_A very good feeling. Prepare for embarrassment.'_

Alice ran in a direction at about a thirty degree angle from where Emmett was hunting.

She took down some deer and pounced on a fox as a show for hunting. Soon, the show began.

Emmett didn't notice the slightly different direction Alice took. All he knew was that she was hunting deer and a fox.

It did not take long for Emmett to find his prize and head toward it.

On the way...

THWAK!

An acorn hit Emmett on the head. He looked up and around but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. The acorn didn't hurt him, of course, but it was a mild annoyance.

He continued on his way.

In the background, Jasper was silently laughing on the inside, just waiting for the moment he could laugh loudly.

He continued to film Emmett's _interesting _hunt.

_'Finally, an opening to embarrass Emmett. This is just perfect!'_

Emmett was wrestling with a black bear deeper in the forest. He laughed boisterously as he dodged each swipe of the bear's claws. The bear roared in rage at the defiance of this stupid 'human'.

Emmett tackled the bear and they rolled around on the ground. Occasionally, he let the bear get the better of him to make it seem as if he was growing weak and tired, pretending that the adrenaline was wearing off.

Swiftly, Emmett flipped the bear over and bit into his neck, draining the bear dry in under a minute.

He stood up and looked down at himself.

"Shoot! Rose is gonna kill me, she just got me this shirt!" He shrugged his shoulders. '_Oh well, it was so worth it. I better go find the pixie.'_

Emmett took off through the forest running to find Alice.

Emmett stopped in a clearing a sniffed the air.

He couldn't find Alice's scent.

All of a sudden...

he was pelted with hundreds upon hundreds of acorns.

He looked up into the trees and noticed hundreds of angry squirrels; they had grown tired of Emmett's taunting.

They launched a second barrage of acorns and proceeded to jump and attack him, ripping and destroying his clothes.

Emmett stood there shell-shocked then, "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY RABID SQUIRRELS! SAVE MEEE!"

He ran around the clearing trying to shake them all off.

Satisfied that their revenge was complete, they scampered off an left Emmett alone.

He laid there, traumatized.

Eventually, he got up and proclaimed, "Just you wait you pesky rodents. I shall have my vengeance!" He waved his fists in the air. "Then, I shall be called, Emmett, the Squirrel Slayer! MUWAHAHAHAHA!"

Poor Emmett still didn't notice that Jasper was filming him with Alice behind him. Jasper quickly turned off the camera and they ran back to the house before Emmett could notice them.

_'At least no one will ever know what just happened.'_

Emmett ran back to the house and jumped into his bedroom through a window that happened to be _conveniently _open. (Gee, I wonder who opened it?)

He quickly removed his ripped clothing and put on clean clothing.

He went downstairs to sit with the family

Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie all sat around waiting for Emmett.

Carlisle had a remote in his hands, just itching to press play.

"Ooo! A movie" Emmett exclaimed. He sat down next to Rose, put his arm around her while he gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek.

Carlisle pressed play.

_The scene began with Emmett running through the woods when that first lone acorn struck him in the head._

_The scene continued to play..._

Emmett stared at the screen in utter horror.

_**The End.**_

Happy birthday my sorellina, I hope who enjoyed this. I love you lots.

_**sorellina:**_ Italian for little sister


End file.
